Resources
Books
Relationships with Self and other
(Is there a difference?!)
Monsters in Love
"Monsters in Love" by Resmaa Menakem is a guide for couples exploring how conflict and difference can be healthy and beneficial in intimate relationships. The book encourages couples to stand by their needs and identities while remaining compassionate, avoiding competition and revenge. It challenges the idea that conflict is inherently destructive and explores how committed relationships can foster personal growth.
Constructing the Sexual Crucible
"Constructing the Sexual Crucible" by David Schnarch integrates sexual and marital therapy to explore intimacy and the barriers to eroticism in marriage. It challenges traditional therapy approaches by emphasizing sexual potential over technique and introduces the concept of "emotional gridlock" caused by other-validated versus self-validated intimacy. The book is a key resource for therapists and a landmark text in the field.
Your brain on love
"Your Brain on Love" explores how the neurobiology of attachment and emotional regulation shapes healthy relationships. It focuses on understanding attachment styles, how they influence interactions, and how couples can build security and commitment. The book merges neurobiology with attachment theory to help individuals understand their own relationship patterns and improve communication.
Polysecure
"Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy" by Jessica Fern explores how attachment theory, traditionally applied to monogamous relationships, can be adapted to help people build secure and fulfilling relationships in non-monogamous contexts. The book uses Fern's "nested model of attachment and trauma" to explain how past experiences shape our ability to form and maintain multiple loving relationships. It also offers practical strategies for cultivating secure attachment, including self-awareness, mindfulness, and communication techniques.
Dating in Captivity
"Mating in Captivity," by Esther Perel, explores the complex interplay between intimacy, desire, and the challenges of maintaining passion within long-term relationships. It examines how the desire for security and the need for excitement and adventure often clash within committed relationships, and how couples can navigate these tensions to keep desire alive. Perel argues that while secure love is essential, passion can be revitalized through playfulness, distance, and embracing uncertainty, even within the domestic context
Arousal
"Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies" by Michael Bader is a book that explores the psychological underpinnings of sexual fantasies and desires, arguing they are not merely biological or societal constructs but serve as unconscious coping mechanisms. The book delves into how these fantasies can help individuals resolve underlying psychological issues, understand their own sexual preferences, and ultimately achieve greater sexual satisfaction in relationships.
Come as you are
"Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski is a book exploring women's sexuality, focusing on how stress, mood, trust, and body image impact a woman's sexual well-being. The book utilizes brain science and research to explain how these factors influence desire and sexual function. It emphasizes the importance of creating a supportive and joyful environment for women to feel confident and connected to their bodies.
State of our Affairs
"The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity" by Esther Perel explores the phenomenon of infidelity in romantic relationships, examining its prevalence, causes, and cultural implications. It delves into the reasons why people cheat, arguing that it often stems from unmet emotional needs or a desire for connection beyond the confines of a long-term relationship. The book also investigates how different cultures approach infidelity, offering insights into the complexities of human relationships and the challenges of maintaining intimacy in a modern world.
Trauma
(We all got it, how do we explore it)
My Grandmother's Hands
"My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies" by Resmaa Menakem examines the physical and emotional consequences of racial trauma, arguing that racism affects the body as deeply as it affects the mind. The book explores how generational trauma related to white supremacy manifests in our bodies and offers a step-by-step healing process based on body-centered psychology and somatic healing
The Body keeps the score
"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk explores the profound and often overlooked impact of trauma on the mind and body, arguing that trauma not only affects our thoughts and emotions but also rewires the brain and body, leading to long-term physical and emotional consequences. The book delves into the history of trauma research, neuroscience, and the evolution of trauma treatments, highlighting how trauma can manifest in various physical and psychological symptoms. It emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing the body's response to trauma as a crucial step in healing
Home Coming
Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. When a child is shamed for expressing certain feelings like anger or hurt, the feelings stay and the child becomes an adult with unresolved childhood business
Realm of a hungry Ghost
"In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Maté explores the origins and nature of addiction, arguing that it's not a simple choice but a complex issue rooted in early childhood experiences and trauma. Maté, a physician with extensive experience treating addiction, examines how societal factors, personal histories, and brain chemistry intertwine to contribute to addictive behaviors, encompassing substance abuse and behavioral addictions. The book challenges conventional views on addiction, promoting a compassionate approach and emphasizing the importance of self-understanding and healing
Waking the Tiger
Waking the Tiger normalizes the symptoms of trauma and the steps needed to heal them. People are often traumatized by seemingly ordinary experiences. The reader is taken on a guided tour of the subtle, yet powerful impulses that govern our responses to overwhelming life events.
Drama of the gifted child
"The Drama of the Gifted Child," by Alice Miller, explores how gifted children often suppress their true selves to meet parental expectations, leading to repressed anger and a sense of emptiness. Miller argues that these children, despite their intelligence and sensitivity, can become so attuned to parental demands that they sacrifice their own needs and feelings, potentially leading to long-term emotional challenges.
No Bad Parts
"No Bad Parts" by Richard C. Schwartz introduces the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model of therapy, which views the mind as a collection of different parts or subpersonalities rather than a single, unified entity. The book challenges the idea that certain parts are inherently "bad" and instead emphasizes that all parts, even those that seem destructive, have a positive intention and can be understood, healed, and unburdened. IFS aims to facilitate communication and healing between these parts, ultimately leading to greater self-compassion and wholeness.
Polyvegal safety
Polyvagal safety, a core concept in polyvagal theory, highlights the nervous system's role in feeling safe and regulated. It emphasizes that a sense of safety is crucial for social engagement and overall well-being, influencing how we experience stress, trauma, and relationships. The theory suggests that our autonomic nervous system, specifically the vagus nerve, is a key player in mediating these feelings of safety.
When the body says No
"When the Body Says No" by Dr. Gabor Maté explores the profound link between stress, trauma, and physical illness. It argues that chronic stress, often stemming from early childhood experiences and emotional repression, can manifest as various physical ailments. The book emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing emotional needs to prevent and heal physical conditions.
Adult children of Immature Parents
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" explores the impact of emotionally immature or unavailable parenting on adult children, offering practical tools and insights to heal from the lingering effects. The book identifies four types of immature parents: Emotional, Driven, Passive, and Rejecting. It provides guidance on identifying these patterns, understanding how they affect relationships, and creating healthier boundaries.
Whiteness and White supremacy
(The foundation of the United States and Western Therapy)
White Women
"My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies" by Resmaa Menakem examines the physical and emotional consequences of racial trauma, arguing that racism affects the body as deeply as it affects the mind. The book explores how generational trauma related to white supremacy manifests in our bodies and offers a step-by-step healing process based on body-centered psychology and somatic healing
White Fragility
A no-holds-barred guidebook aimed at white women who want to stop being nice and start dismantling white supremacy. It's no secret that white women are conditioned to be “nice,” but did you know that the desire to be perfect and to avoid conflict at all costs are characteristics of white supremacy culture?
Caste
In "Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents," Isabel Wilkerson argues that the United States operates under a hierarchical system of caste, similar to those found in India and Nazi Germany, where race is used as the primary tool to maintain social stratification. She explores how this caste system, rooted in historical oppression and violence, shapes various aspects of American life, including politics, culture, and individual experiences
My Grandmother's Hands
"My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies" by Resmaa Menakem examines the physical and emotional consequences of racial trauma, arguing that racism affects the body as deeply as it affects the mind. The book explores how generational trauma related to white supremacy manifests in our bodies and offers a step-by-step healing process based on Cultural Somatics and somatic healing methods
The New Jim Crow
"The New Jim Crow" by Michelle Alexander argues that the U.S. criminal justice system, particularly its use of mass incarceration, is a contemporary form of racial control that mirrors the Jim Crow era. While overt racism has been outlawed, the system continues to disproportionately target and punish people of color, particularly Black men, creating a new system of racial caste.
PODCAST
Therapist Uncensored
https://therapistuncensored.com/
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Two therapist talk about all the thing you have thought about or want to know about.